As Thanksgiving approaches and I try to stay in the habit of almost daily entries I thought I should submit one more musing before I venture up to the Great White North to have a Plymouth party. In the spirit of gobbler gluttony, I am making a list of notable jive turkeys. I know the connection is tenuous at best, but bear with me okay.
As a preface, I mean jive turkeys in the positive greeting and not the insult. The urban dictionary has two definitions and one is a friendly greeting (not the most official source, I know but this is a blog and not a dissertation).
Venus Flytrap Definitely the smoothest man at WKRP and probably in Cincinnati, this smooth talking DJ made his grand entrance in the Big Guy’s office with a “what’s up white folks.” Venus was always cool but tight pants wearing Andy Travis, the show’s program director, cultivated his hipness. The originally monickered Gordon Sims was given his name and a completely new wardrobe and never looked back. Venus Flytrap was one of the first television characters to delve into the misconceptions of racial identity. While his persona was one of uber hip black DJ, Venus himself never felt in sync with this role. Played by Tim Reid, Venus was the ultimate straight man to a cast of zany sometimes-offensive characters!
Les Nesman: Venus is excellent at sports.
Venus Flytrap: Thanks Les, how do you know?
Les Nesman: Because you’re a Negro
Michael Evans Nicknamed the Militant Midget, this Good Times character was all about endeavoring for equal rights. A 13-year-old attending multiple protests and civil rights functions Michael Evans (Played by Ralph Carter) showed that political involvement could start at any age. In addition, he rocked some power berets and the fist raise JJ Who?
Huey Newton and Bobby Seale I mainly but these two people on my list because I know someone who actually knew them! The Black Panther headquarters was next door to his home in San Francisco. He said growing up he would see the guards stationed outside and that Seal and Newton played with him. Bobby would pick him up and toss him in the air. He called Huey Newton Smokey Robinson because he reminded of him. Seriously, he called Huey Newton Smokey to HIS FACE!!! Ultimate Neighborhood Watch
That old gal from Airplane Cuz c’mon, how can you not?
Turkeys from WKRP Yeah, yeah, so its poultry and not people but let’s give it up to those brave little soldiers who gave the ultimate sacrifice for the best comedic sitcom moment in history!
No turkeys were really dropped from a helicopter…I don’t think
The husband and I recently set up a dual DVD/VHS player that we purchased (7 months ago). After successful installation we pulled out a storage bin containing our joint VHS collection. The merger of acquisitions has never been so strange. Rifling through the box there is a clear delineation between his and mine. Platoon situated next to Porky’s, I bet that was something Oliver Stone never expected. I was also struck that Topher’s (said husband) collection had a feeling of cohesion whereas my collection resembled one belonging to a southern style Sybil. I excitedly grabbed my copy of Tarzan and his Mate circa 1932 starring Johnny Weissmuller and threw it in for viewing. As I sit here and watch the natives plunge down the face of the escarpment. I think about my VHS choices and the little snapshots of my life they offer.
Mothered by an Ape-He knew only the law of the jungle-to seize what he wanted!
I have both Tarzan the Ape Man and Tarzan and his Mate. My father introduced me to the Weissmuller series at the ripe old age of 12. AMC was having a week long special of Tarzan films and my father promptly yelled for me, “to get a load of this!” From my father I learned an appreciation of all things tasteless. Just the other day we watched a Sci-Fi film “Sasquatch.” I stepped away from the TV for a few moments and heard the excited screams “Squatch, squatch!” The Sasquatch by the way looked like Craig T. Nelson. I digress; Tarzan offers a great snapshot into 1930s perceptions of race. The poor natives in this film take headers off the escarpment while belting out death cries similar to Goofy. I primarily enjoyed the loincloths and yodeling.
Gidget Oh my god, I love Gidget so much. Moondoggie and the Big Kahuna are just about the dreamiest cats around! That’s right, dreamy. Gidget is my Id. A big part of me wants to be a 60s era California surfer gal (I also have the Endless Summer, but that’s more for the woodies.) Guys in 1950s short shorts and Keds; say what you will but, it makes me wanna put on some pedal pushers, throw my hair in a bubble flip, and have a mad cap summer adventure. All my life I’ve wanted to go to a clambake. Awesome bathing suits, hairstyles, long board surfing stunts, pre blue screen backdrops, and spontaneous songs are all the right ingredients for summer fun. Moondoggie is rocking the manpris!
Shag Or as I like to think of it Gidget with a side of tater tots and a tumbler of Jim Beam, a little more low rent and a lot more fun. Shag is Gidget if Sandra Dee had gone to Ninety Six high school and been a fan of Ripete Records. Shag is the story of four good time girls from Spartanburg who live it up one wild weekend in Myrtle Beach. I have heard many a tirade from my father about how anybody who was anybody in the 60s NEVER went to Myrtle Beach. The only place to be seen was the pad in OD, that's Ocean Drive for all you Shag laymen. So deep into my subconscious this movie has delved I have found myself using Shag lines in appropriate situations. Usually one right after another, “We can have a good time, but we cannot be wild.” Ten minutes later I am usually caterwauling, “this is the most fun!” While I’ve always wanted to be Gidget my life turned out to be Shag; which is way more fun
West Side Story The tale of star crossed lovers Maria and Tony and the feud between the Sharks and the Jets, Westside Story was my gateway musical. Prior to viewing I had been a fan of all the requisite musicals. The ones that no matter what your views on Broadway may be, as a girl, you have to love. Mainly just Grease. Grease was the only option before Legally Blonde and Hairspray. There was no Zac Ephron, just John Travolta and that guy who’s now on Celebrity Rehab..Kenickie. Romeo and Juliet with an urban flair Tony and Maria sang and danced their way into love and even into death. Well, just his death, Maria has enough and gives a verbal beat down so severe she scares the Sharks and Jets straight; at least until the end credits. West Side Story starred Natalie Wood and the fantastic Rita Moreno who could both purr with the best of them. Tony and Bernardo should have never had it so good.
Evil Dead Rounding out my collection sampling is this cinematic masterpiece. I think there is a certain faction of the population that find this movie irresistible. A faction that consists primarily of twelve year old boys. Chainsaw armed Ash taking out zombie turned friends, people getting sexually assaulted by trees, and shovel beheadings are just a few of my favorite things. My best friend’s husband and I love to go on and on about this movie. Our spouses just look on at us with bored disdain. It’s very possible she and I married the male versions of one another; but that’s possibly another blog all together. Lesson here: You find a book made out of people, don’t open it.
This guy loves Evil Dead a way lot. Watching this I feel like I’m riding around in Hunter S. Thompson’s head.
I think I may be starting my own blogging trend by focusing on inappropriate crushes. I continue this with a look at my fascination with dictators. I know, I know they do horrible things, I got it. I mean if one ever asked me to the neighborhood Applebees for some cheeseburger sliders or an appetizer sampler I doubt I would take the offer. However, I can look and appreciate from afar. Call it an attraction to power, or to the money, or even the notoriety. I personally think it’s their hair and uniforms.
I love Ivan the Terrible’s power beard and the seedy look in his eye. Now, he really wasn’t too terrible, in fact his Russian name translates to English more properly as Ivan the Awesome. Awesome! However, he did run through the ladies after the death of his first wife, and we all know how a woman loves a heartbreaker.
Muammar Abu Minyar al-Gaddafi doesn’t really count as a dictator but this little Libyan warlord has such a sense of style that he cannot be ignored. If there were a Malevolent Vogue, he surely would be on the cover. I mean who else could rock out gold lame’ and still be menacing. He always had some kind of fun official military uniform, even though there was no military behind it. A+ for bold use of color and texture. Tim Gunn would be proud
I know that my definition of dictator is totally amorphous. But Henry Clay’s dominance in Congress did give him the nickname “The Dictator.” It’s true. He was straight dreamy, at least in paintings, pictures not so much.
Stay Away from the light Carol Anne!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad or as I like to call him bearded Jake Gyllenhaal
No gay people in Iran my foot, tell me his jaw line has not made a few converts
Rockstar of world leader’s abusing power. Vladimer Putin is something out of a Bond movie. He could devise a totalitarian system of government over me, just sayin.
Yet another side affect from growing up in a neighborhood with all boys. You know everyone was a little curious what was under the hood.
Everyone has a theme song. You know, the song that would play during all your mobile moments in life. Walking down the street, riding your bike, running after the ice cream truck, whatever. I always thought mine would be the theme song to Sanford and Son. It has this dilapidated groove in which I can walk in sync and I find it oddly fitting with my lifestyle. Obvious "trashy" connotations aside; I dig the song and would be prone to drive a rickety pick up with a rocking chair in the back.
Recent events have led me to believe that the fates have a different theme in mind for me. Riding in Christopher's car over the past week a song has played with unusual frequency: Kenny Loggin's Highway to the Danger Zone. Mr. Loggins is not one to normally get a lot of air play but three out of four car rides this song has been on. Those are dentist statistics right there. Some celestial force is telling us something; I'd like to think that the message is that I am cool enough to have a naval pilot jam for my own life soundtrack. It could also be that Topher's ride is so sweet that it compares to a fighter jet. Of the two I'm not sure which. Anywho, this got me thinking about my life soundtrack so I decided to compile a list. Here it is:
Sometimes I have cartoon crushes. I don’t know if this is pervy or not. I think it all started with Bow from She-ra Princess of Power. He had that red heart that beat for She-ra. I don’t think she ever gave him the time of day. In my opinion, he should have given up on a lady with obvious lesbian tendencies and focused on Catra who had a way cooler outfit ala Bettie Page. I was five.
My next cartoon crush was sort of by default. I really wanted to ponder whether or not I liked Buddy Blue (Lucky) or Red Butler (Romeo) from Rainbow Bright but since all the kids in the neighborhood where boys we had to watch and play two things: Ghostbusters or GI Joe. Now cartoon Egon Spengler had the best hair so I wanted to pretend to be him or Ray; we made my friend’s kid brother be Slimer. I was always Scarlett when it came GI Joe time and Slimer’s big brother Curtis Reynolds would be Duke. Now I know somehow in pre-adolescent role-playing I jumbled my real crush on Curtis into a love of Duke. Cartoon Duke made me think of Cute Curtis from Murmont Circle and Cute Curtis made me think of tight shirts with cammo pants. I think Curtis/Duke was the archetype of my Jack Bauer/Keifer duality love.
Duke=early 80s Jack Bauer
Curtis aside, who by the way ended my infatuation by puking in Mrs. Christopher’s kindergarten class, my cartoon crushes continued. Again, due to the overwhelming boy to girl ratio on Murmont Circle I was still forced to watch Rainbow Bright and Jem in secret. The neighborhood pack had moved on to Thundercats. Now in our portrayals I performed the role of Cheetra. Quite well, I might add. Sometimes I was Snarf if another neighborhood kid, Justin’s sister deigned to play with us. She tried to wrench the role of Scarlett away from me but on that, I stood firm. Lion-O was hot. Let’s be honest there is something appealing about a cat/man in tights and leather with fantastic hair that is appealing. The again, maybe not, maybe I am a hentai nut without even knowing; oh lord.
The height of my crushes came in 1992 with the release of Aladdin. Now don’t worry I don’t have a blue genie fetish on top of were-cat love. However, I did and will always have a special place in my heart for Aladdin. He was one part diamond in the rough, one part snarky wise guy, with a jacked body thrown in. The man had fantastic abs and a monkey. Who doesn’t love a man with a monkey or fantastic abs for that matter? Let us not forget his hair. That hair was something out of a romance novel. Ever noticed that romance novel heroes always have thick black hair, you’ll be hard pressed to find a blond or lord help you a red head.
Aladdin was my only Disney crush. I found Eric from Little Mermaid wimpy and the Beast brought up a bestiality theme I was not equipped to deal with. It’s been a while since I have had a cartoon crush, not because I am almost thirty but because they just don’t draw ‘em like they use too, the days of great abs and arms are over. CGI guys just don’t do it for me.
So apparently since man hath put down his rock writing tablet he has been blogging. I always thought of myself as pretty tech savvy, but after trying to figure this junk out I now know that aside from checking my email and watching videos of dachshunds on YouTube I am a complete computer illiterate. Are we all so self important that we think people, strangers really, wanna read our thoughts and feelings over the internet. I suppose so, so here is my page devoted to myself. I guess I am doing this to get back in the habit of writing, at one time I was pretty good; not great, but good. So I guess here I am.
I like drinks with little umbrellas, I think camping is a waste of time because I can drink by a bonfire at home, I love USC football and think Garnet and Black is the best color combination ever.
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