Oil of Olay

You know that show kids say the Darndest Things? Well sometimes they should be slapped for it.

I was thinking of this incident that happened years back in college. I and two sorority sisters, Amanda and Kristie, decided to take a break from partying and general carousing to spend a wholesome day at the Riverbanks Zoo. The sun was shining and we were feeling pretty proud of ourselves for getting out of bed before 1:00pm on a weekend.

We wandered through and looked at the zebras, monkeys, giraffes, lions, and all that jazz. Who would have known that the real action was coming up in the tortoise enclosure.

Now tortoises are not known for excitement, they basically walk around chewing some grass and looking tired. Sort of like me- but without the grass. This story is not about the big turtle in fact forget the big turtle. This story is about a young jackass.

As we watched the tortoise mosey around a trio joined us comprising of a little girl, little boy, and grandma. I think the parents had pawned the kids off on grandma to go drink wine and celebrate their few hours of freedom.

Grandma and the kids watched the tortoises with us for a moment when the little boy turned to his sister and LOUDLY whispered, “its got skin like grandma.”

Now my little trio took off at a run walk that everyone thinks is subtle but in reality is so not. We got about 50 yards away before we fell out. I remember looking back during my escape to see grandma ignoring her grandson with a kind of quiet dignity.

Now at 21 I thought this was hilarious, but as I bulldoze my way closer to thirty, I wish grandma had tossed that kid into the tortoise pen and left him there.



RASBERRIES!